I’ve been a bundle of emotions lately.
As the leaves change in Minnesota, I long for cool, crisp walks around the lakes reflecting the colors of autumn. Other times, such as the other night, I fell asleep thinking about the future (don’t do before bed!) and my last thought before falling asleep was “Will I ever have the courage to leave Turkey?”
I love the people, I love the land, I love it. Just like I love Minnesota. I realized the differences between being scared to go to something unknown and being scared to leave what you love, what you know. I think I always have the second fear, never the first.
And sometimes I question why we came here in the first place. I love it, but what is happening? The Celtic Daily Prayer Aidan reading for today includes this:
How many times a day do I say,
‘Why am I here,
What here can stir my gifts to growth?
What task of greatness awaits me
that I have long neglected?
‘I have prepared a place for you,’ says the Lord,
‘that is for you, and only you, to fill. […]
The place I have appointed is where you will be happiest.’
I’m struggling with where that is. I struggle with teaching, with learning the language. I don’t struggle with loving people, which is where I’m happiest. But where should I be doing that? Minnesota? Turkey?
(this post is a bit more vulnerable and open than I’m used to being on this blog. Sorry if it caught anyone off guard)